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Name: Conkers.

Age: Introduced to the UK over four centuries back.

Appearance: The outdoor world's collectible doll.

That can't be accurate. Absolutely. Check out a social media video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll almost certainly hear them refer to it as “nature's Labubu”.

Opening up horse chestnuts? What on earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you are definitely out of the loop, aren’t you? Young people are taking to TikTok to film themselves unpeeling conkers from their spiky capsules.

But why? Because of the feeling of amazement! When you unbox a conker, you never know what you’re going to get. Will it be big? Will it be flat? What will its shine level be? It is like a mystery box every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re somewhat eerie dolls that have become highly sought-after because they are sold in mystery boxes.

Can someone please tell the younger crowd that they are not using conkers correctly? Is that so? How do you do conkers, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to break others' nuts. Wow, really? That’s unusual.

Yeah. Your odds improve if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then bake it like a pie. Seriously?

Truly. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can hurl them across the playground and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A beautiful, natural thing like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a long set of arcane and bewildering rules?

That's the custom! The King recently awarded the global conker competition with three hundred horse chestnuts! At least gen Z is only filming them.

Why don’t you know this? Probably, because some schools started banning conkers two decades ago, due to various health and safety fears.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just doesn't appeal to you. In which case, perhaps you would be more interested in some other hot new gen Z trends.

Oh really? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called knitting, and something else called clay crafting that I can describe for you.

Those hobbies are ancient! Let me guess, you boil the needles in cider and then use them to jab one another?

Certainly not! OK, relax. I thought all old-people traditions involved some type of aggression, after that horse chestnut game.

I feel stressed. Take a breath. If you need me, I’ll be opening plant seeds online.

Appropriate comment: “TikTok can’t stop filming conker reveals.”

What to avoid: “This is nuts.”